is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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