If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
