I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
