Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were trust falling into bushes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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