i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
