I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
