Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
