i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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