that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
