If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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