Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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