Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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