Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
