I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
