I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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