Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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