he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
