I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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