it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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