I'm drive I can fine osifer
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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