I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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