Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
