she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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