Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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