WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
