ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
