I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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