I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
