Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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