so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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