Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
