this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
