This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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