a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
