I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize