Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
