I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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