I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
