so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
