alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
