if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
