you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Vodka?
Forever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
