I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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