Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
