The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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