i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
