she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
