I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
