i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
