New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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