i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
