The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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