His pubic hair was longer than his dick
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
