I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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