I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
