Nicole vs. Life
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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