shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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