help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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