Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize