She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
