i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
