they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
