so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
