her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
