You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
