Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
