he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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