If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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