1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
