Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
