i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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