Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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