i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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