why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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