Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
