When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
